Do I want to have a baby?

This topic has been kicking around my head for a long time now.

When I was in my 20’s, I always thought “yeah I’ll have kids, but later…. later… later.

When I was 29, it started to hit me that “later” meant very very soon. Which frightened me.

The biological clock is a very real thing. Every month when I ovulate, like clockwork, I want to have babies.

And it’s weird because I am otherwise not a baby-centric person. Babies are cute and I love them, but when I see people with babies, I don’t actually want one for myself.

Martin and I have tried, on and off for a period of a year to get pregnant. We have since stopped because I started to get freaked out that I would actually get pregnant, and I just needed time to think about whether I wanted to or not. Pregnancy is a big deal, and being on the female side of the equation, I wasn’t sure if I sincerely wanted to go through it.

That’s where I am now on this journey.

I used to think I could go either way – having a baby or not. But now I lean more towards not.

It’s more than me not wanting to get pregnant, it’s also me not wanting to leave behind any next-of-kin or genetic legacy.

This world is way too fucked up, full of people who don’t understand that life is NOT just about them. We all affect each other, we are all interconnected. Yet we act like we live in a vacuum. We distract ourselves with consumption. We call ourselves animal lovers and environmentalists, but we massacre both without a second thought.

As long as we follow the grain, and define ourselves by what we buy, we will always reinforce the status quo. Which happens to be violent.

Do I want to bring another human, whom I will probably love more than anyone else, into violence?

Not a chance.

There are 153 million orphans in this world. That’s a staggering number. That’s more than the population of Germany AND Canada added together.

You know that story, The Hunger Games? It’s not a story. It goes on now. We just happen to live in the Capitol.

Jiskca

Vegan Ⓥ, and Canadian expat living in Germany. Here to spread a positive message.

2 Comments

  1. I can totally relate to everything you wrote above. I have the feeling that many women (even in the West!) feel that there is a kind of cultural pressure to have a baby, and don’t really reflect if they really want to be a mother. If you don’t procreate, you’re egocentric and self-centered. Very few understand that’s it’s actually the complete opposite. Why making another human being suffer in this world? Why not have mercy and not spread your genes? As you already said, there are already too many people in this world, so it isn’t a matter of survival of our species. Women now have the freedom to choose themselves, but few really want to grasp it. I have the feeling that these kind of thoughts are very tough to understand – especially for many women …

    • Thanks for your comment Vee!! There’s totally pressure to have babies (plural!). That’s why I stopped trying when I noticed my own cultural programming.

      Overpopulation is a real issue that people will only speak about in passing. The dialog of wanting to have babies is solely focussed on ourselves. But when you realize that it is not just about what WE want, it makes sense that we should not create more kids. If we want kids, certainly there are plenty to adopt!! They don’t have to look like us for us to love them and consider them family.

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