This topic has been kicking around my head for a long time now.
When I was in my 20’s, I always thought “yeah I’ll have kids, but later…. later… later.”
When I was 29, it started to hit me that “later” meant very very soon. Which frightened me.
The biological clock is a very real thing. Every month when I ovulate, like clockwork, I want to have babies.
And it’s weird because I am otherwise not a baby-centric person. Babies are cute and I love them, but when I see people with babies, I don’t actually want one for myself.
Martin and I have tried, on and off for a period of a year to get pregnant. We have since stopped because I started to get freaked out that I would actually get pregnant, and I just needed time to think about whether I wanted to or not. Pregnancy is a big deal, and being on the female side of the equation, I wasn’t sure if I sincerely wanted to go through it.
That’s where I am now on this journey.
I used to think I could go either way – having a baby or not. But now I lean more towards not.
It’s more than me not wanting to get pregnant, it’s also me not wanting to leave behind any next-of-kin or genetic legacy.
This world is way too fucked up, full of people who don’t understand that life is NOT just about them. We all affect each other, we are all interconnected. Yet we act like we live in a vacuum. We distract ourselves with consumption. We call ourselves animal lovers and environmentalists, but we massacre both without a second thought.
As long as we follow the grain, and define ourselves by what we buy, we will always reinforce the status quo. Which happens to be violent.
Do I want to bring another human, whom I will probably love more than anyone else, into violence?
Not a chance.
There are 153 million orphans in this world. That’s a staggering number. That’s more than the population of Germany AND Canada added together.
You know that story, The Hunger Games? It’s not a story. It goes on now. We just happen to live in the Capitol.